Sometimes we feel like there is a certain need to express our inner state of being. Today is one of those days for me. The underlying wisdom of life can bring about an extra ordinary emotional discharge in the state of unexpected events, like losses, leading to a deep unknowing, sadness and grief. These stages of emotional flow may vary but their deep impact, though may not be apparent on the outside, makes irreversible changes. The first loss that I had ever had in my liife was when I was 4-5 years old. My lovely, beautiful cousin/big brother who was by nature like an angel on earth. You would feel a great comfort, ease and peace when you were around him although he was in the midst of physical pain. He was a teacher on compassion and patience after a lifetime of illness for 13 years. I as a child was internally feeling that he belonged to some higher level of being rather than the world of human beings. I remember that I used to pray for him every night in order to send him the meals that we had and the good things that we had experienced that day. I was sure that everything including the joy of a nice meal or a play, any activity with love in it, could be shared with anyone on earth or in heaven independent of time and space. I think I still carry that knowing time to time.
Yesterday an old friend of mine transformed into an angel. He was one of those people who had a wisdom of truth in their hearts and carry out a life mostly through that wisdom, because in some circumstances there is no other way to live or survive as it was the case for my cousin. The life opens up a beatiful window for them with a high cost of limited time on earth to experience that beauty. Though I haven’t seen my friend for years, I can still feel a connection with him in another dimension which carries wisdom and light. On the other hand to percieve that a person does not exist in physical form any more is too hard. It is a challenge to accept the loss of a young person with such goodness, kindness, wisdom and my mind keeps telling me how impossible it is to believe that he was gone.
Sometimes I can barely notice that this world is an illusion of concepts, things and forms hiding a reality within its depth but sometimes I loose that sense of being which leads to suffering through emotions and a mind telling cruel stories about life, people, self and all experiences. Staying as distant to the stories told as a wast blue sky witnessing the clouds, as examplified by Eckhart, being present is the only escape from the dillusion of suffering.
When I read the talk of Goenka on vipassana and the end of suffering I sense that the window of wisdom lies witihin every one of us waiting to be explored. Before leaving this state of form as a human being, before the transformation into another form of conciousness, there is an urgent need to experience the true reality of being. A need to touch the heart of compassion, wisdom, peace and love which are the expressions of eternity in the temporary and all that may be needed is the experience of that essense belonging to the self beyond form.